A hard day, but one that makes me feel so thankful!

"We must be willing to let go of the 

life we have planned, 

so as to have the life that is waiting for us." 

- Joseph Campbell

Today is a joyful, yet sobering day.

A day that I was originally dreading to get to, yet knew it would come.

Today is the day that our first baby was due to arrive,

for us to hold in our arms.

Today is bittersweet.

I think about today and wonder what it would have been like to be at that point, preparing to bring our first child home.

But then,

I look at my expanding belly and know that I can't imagine life without

our little boy, Jack.  

It's heart wrenching to think that we aren't able to hold both of our babies,

but I know this was God's plan all along.

I know that this plan is what's best for our lives.

"'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" 

- Jeremiah 29:11    

Every time I think back, 

I remember the joy we felt in the 7 weeks we had with our precious baby.

The excitement to have our very first child.

I'm so thankful for that time that the Lord gave us with our little one.

I'm grateful that the Lord allowed us to be parents to our first little angel no matter how short of a time it was.

I learned more from that time than I could have ever imagined.

 The Lord has brought so much good

out of something that is hard to picture as anything but bad.

John and I have plans to just be together for the day.

We'll head to church first,

which is such a blessing for getting through this tough time.

To be reminded of the Lord and his promises to us.

Then we plan to just take it easy,

go out to dinner and a movie,

and to just be together.

I've had a little difficulty seeing the people that were due

within days/weeks of me, 

bring home their precious children. 

 I thought I would be sharing the experience with them

but I'm so grateful that I can look at them,

feel joy in seeing them with their babies,

and look forward to that time just 15 weeks from now,

when we'll hold Jack in our arms for the first time.  

    I thought today would be harder than it is...

At times it is hard,

 but it's awesome to know how much the Lord has done,

and how he has used this in my life.

It makes today a day that I am thankful for,

instead of a day of grief.

Lord, thank you for the time we got to spend with our first little baby.

Baby, we will always love you!