Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The pregnancy so far: Week 14! (and the beginnings of the nursery plans)

This is my first post
about this pregnancy, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

This pregnancy so far has been very different than the first time around.
The first time I wasn't pregnant very long,
so I don't have much to compare to
in the little bit of time I was pregnant, I still had many differences.

Last time, I didn't feel sick at all.
I really had almost no symptoms. I felt great!

This time, I've been getting every symptom in the book, 
throwing up every day for the from weeks 7-12
and nauseous the rest of the time.
 As much as I've hated being sick though, 
it was very comforting during the first hard 12 weeks.

I found out I was pregnant really early,
at 3 weeks 6 days pregnant
(the day before my missed period).
I wish I didn't find out until later, to help the time go by quickly though!
Oh well!

The first few weeks, until I passed my loss milestone (6w 6d), seemed to take forever!
I was constantly worried, and was afraid to get attached to my baby.
While going through this time, 
I was in a Christmas cantata at our church.
It turned out to be a huge blessing to be in that cantata,
the songs were like God was speaking directly to me, to comfort and encourage me at that time.
Every day I'd look for blood, and just hoped and prayed I wouldn't see it.
Every day that I made it through I would thank the Lord that,
at least for that day,
I still was able to carry our baby.

Once I got to 7 weeks, I felt a huge relief.
I knew that, realistically, the exact day didn't mean much,
and couldn't wait to make it to my 12 week ultrasound to really feel comfortable,
making it past my loss point helped me feel relief.

I mentioned earlier that this time has been so different than last time...

Not only in the symtoms,
but I feel less naive.
Sadly, it felt like a lot of innocence was gone.
The first time, I bought books, magazines, already started planning the nursery before 6 weeks pregnant.
I was a 22 year old pregnant woman,
I thought pregnancy loss only really happened if you were older.
I never thought about the possibility of losing the baby.

Looking back, the miscarriage was the hardest, and best thing I've ever been though.

Hardest, because it was a horrible experience.

Hardest, because I knew I had no control over the situation.

Hardest, because of the pain of getting contractions and going through the labor (even though it was small, the  contractions were just as bad as real labor contractions).

Hardest because I had to understand what it meant for a parent to lose their child.

Because, as many people say, and I found out,
the hardest times in life are what bring you closest to God.
The times you need to rely fully on Him,
and can't rely on yourself
make you realize your human depravity, and need for a Savior.

Best, because my husband and I have never been closer.
This situation brought us together to appreciate each other, and know that, 
experiencing this loss,
we only need the important things in life.

Best, because I now have a baby growing in me (that would not be in existence if the first hadn't passed away), 
that I cherish in a whole new way, that I never would have before.
I would have always loved my babies,
but going through losing one, makes me appreciate my child's life in a whole different way.

When we made it to the 12 week ultra sound I was excited and super stressed out.
I knew that this day would be big.
That, either, we would see our baby's heartbeat and watch our baby jump around,
find out if it had stopped developing.

I prayed a lot before this ultra sound, and felt good.
I slept poorly the night before, but woke up feeling excited and ready to see our baby.
Our appointment was for 10:30.
We arrived at 10:15 and filled out paperwork.
Then, they made us sit in the waiting room until 11:30.
Each moment I waited I got more and more nervous.
I kept saying to John,
 "Why can't they just get us in there so I can see the heartbeat... that's all I want."

Finally, we went back.
The first thing the tech did was show us the heartbeat (and let us hear it).
It was the most special sound I've ever heard.
Our baby loved to jump, and kept jumping while the tech was trying to get measurements.
It was adorable.

We left with pictures, and full hearts.
It finally felt real.
My guard finally was let down, and I was excited that I was carrying our baby.
We then felt comfortable enough to share our news with all of our family and friends.

Here was our facebook announcement picture...

That was one of the happiest days of my life.

About a week later I posted my first facebook "bump" picture...

It was so exciting for me to finally feel "safe" in my pregnancy and get excited about going through all of the steps of pregnancy.

Every day, I love and appreciate our baby.

(Don't tell him I said this but it's also adorable to see John get all excited. After the ultra sound I think it was more real to him. He already is planning things to get for the baby. It's super cute.)

On another note.
 I had off from work between Christmas and New Years.
I knew that I've been exhausted after work every week, so I wanted to take advantage of the time off
and, even though we had lots of things planned for the holidays, I gave myself the crazy task of organizing and painting the baby's room over break since I won't have much more time off until the baby comes.

I didn't realize how much time this would take,
but I was determined to get it done over break.

Remember my post about our spare room?
These are the pics as a reminder...


We had a lot of junk and papers to organize that we had just put into this room.

After days of organizing and cleaning, I finally started the painting on new years eve.
My awesome husband helped me out.
First I painted all the walls a light tan color, and then re-painted the white trim (it wasn't as cleanly painted as it looks)

(This picture shows the wall color as the true color it is)

Then, on new years day I taped and painted the striped for the accent wall...

I'm planning on putting the crib against the striped wall as a focal wall.
I wanted to paint the walls a neutral color and plan on using lots of colors in the accessories
after I find out the gender
(which is hopefully in about a month!! :) )

This post is so long, if anyone actually finished it, you're crazy :-p

I'll update more through the pregnancy, and they (hopefully) won't be this long. :)
I haven't blogged in a long time and I plan on getting back into it.


  1. I love it, Hayley! Your room is going to be adorable when it is done... What a great feeling to be at this point!

    There is nothing like the first time you hear your baby's heartbeat... it's a sound you never forget, and a feeling that overwhelms you, knowing this little person is taking shape within your body and is 100% relying on you at this moment... You are going to be such a good mama... xoxo

    (John, too! a papa that is... ;-)

  2. OH Hayley so happy for you all! The room is gorgeous already! Praying for this sweet miracle baby. Love from California!

  3. CONGRATS, Hayley!! so happy for you. :) i pray the rest of this pregnancy goes smoother for you than the first part has! what is your due date?